My landlord says he wants to come by and talk to me about how high my heating bill is. I told him, “My door is always open.”

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air. “Why?” asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit…

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator. What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist. How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.